Smart Pelvic and Placenta Appliances' Speculum Shop.

last week, Percy got his speculum stuck into a pelvic model and witnessed a Caesarian section happening about five inches away from him (he is currently in Obstetric and Gynaecology. never in one profession did he feel so close to projectile vomiting in the surgery when they attempted to stitch up the pelvic floor in a woman. on his first day, he nearly fainted when he witnessed the third stage of labour in the L&D). he also learned that he is not eating enough. in fact, Fred told him that "five-year-olds" eat more than him... this left him in a week-long state of shock. Percy never knew that being afraid of a cheese toastie wasn't normal! this picture was taken ages ago... Percy does not remember the last time he'd eaten a piece of cake and thoroughly enjoyed! the last new thing he'd bloody tried was this unholy avocado smoothie that belongs... well, in the L&D. because Percy is sure that it's still stuck in his bowls, trying to give him some corking heallth benefits!

this photo was back in a time where Percy did not run over his laptop with his car and then got his screen replaced because he ran his bloody laptop over with his car. it was a wonderful time.

this post deserves a cheese and mushroom toastie.

*insert extensively written, nearly poetic post about how Percy has gotten sick enough for Molly Weasley to get him TWO sick-leaves and Percy thinks his parchment paper writer's screen is thoroughly mutilated because... he thinks he might have run his muggle transportation contraption over it, but he is not completely sure.*

Percy and the entity known as life are not building that wonderful rapport that Percy continuously envisioned for them. in fact, Percy is just like:

but unfortunately, then life is like:

Percy has been having such impossible, deplorable difficulties with life in all his existence. life and him do not seem to agree on much, such as the fact that Percy has not yet found his mystical, internal source of energy and vitality without the use of hallucinogenic potions, that he does not agree with the idea of having to go to an afternoon tutorial after he is finished with his morning studying sessions in the hospital, and he thoroughly believes that a sandwich is not lunch, it is a snack. 

a short, belated owl to Father Christmas.

dear Father Christmas, this December, besides telling Percy that he has failed not succeeding in his paediatrics exam, you have given him a motor vehicle collision that resulted in him losing his muggle transportation contraption created by Flyte and Barker. he had replaced it... with the same exact model. you then confiscated his ancient, convulsion-prone muggle fellytone, so he had to replace that as well! to add on, his Quidditch watch that he has had for approximately 1 1/2 yeas now has last been seen in a café that dared to serve the most unholy rose lattes, and Percy is suspecting that you were involved in its disappearance. during this time period, you have also given Percy AND the rest of his mates a psychiatry-induced depression! he spent the past two months in a fog AND a state... AND he'd also put on half a stone!  

in honour of the new year and all the oppressed cocoa beans in the world, Percy resolved not to give Father Christmas anymore chocolate biccies! i hope you choke on your custard creams, you fat miserable git! 

intothe Speed Force's not so terminal, somewhat education case of Examinitis.

this month, Percy failed his first examination since he'd gotten into medical Azkaban school.

this was not because he was not prepared, nor was it because he did not have the appropriate amount of knowledge (in fact, he had more knowledge than most... especially about the causes of hypotonia in small baby Swedish Short-Snouts!) it was not because he was attempting to free Hogwarts from the dangers of mountain trolls, or Crabbe and Goyle's bloated Pygmy Puff-like facial features or the improper treatment of house-elves.

unfortunately, he... neglected to take his important beta-blocker potion Atenolol before the examination and got SO anxious he could barely speak in his ORAL exam. because his beta was not blocked... unfortunately.

after hearing about this predicament, Percy spent FOUR days in a state of severe depression. he spent most days crying for hours whilst listening to muggle metal music that told him that he was a warrior and that his dominance could not be denied. he fit all the nine criteria for depression, including suicidal ideation. he thoroughly refused to bathe himself for more than once every two days. he barely ate and then spent too much money on stodgy takeaway pasta and attempting to drown himself in his unsolicited caffeine addiction.

after the four days, Percy started to feel invigorated... and ready to attempt to succeed. and hungry.

then Percy told his parents about his failures. he told other people about his failures.

apparently, there is nobody that left medical school without failing something.

he had gone out for a coffee run with a few students, and one of them sent him a long, long message about how he was actually very good in paediatrics, this did not define him and that if he needed someone to talk to, there was someone there to listen. and that she liked having coffee runs with him - even if especially when he shoved warm fresh baked Nestle cookies down his gob. and there with there were so many people that sat there talking to him for a while about how he was going to be okay. and that this happened to everyone and it was normal. even if Percy talked about his failure in the tone of
                                  "Charms is a very difficult but charming subject!"

the most shocking thing that Percy realised was that his failure did not make others see him as less than he was before. they just saw him as a victim of a bad day. and that comforted him greatly.

Percy is currently in psychiatry. he had spent a week with an general psychiatrist where he took a long interview (1 1/2 hours' worth of information) from a schizophrenic patient. then he spent a week in the OPD with a psychiatrist specialising in anxiety disorders. now, he is currently in the child psychiatric unit.

on a sweeter (pun intended) note... after his paediatric rotation ended, Percy went out with Lee Jordan and Ginny Weasley. their Friday afternoon turned into a blur of saffron cake with cardamom ice-cream (that Percy did not eat because his cake had to be denser than Marcus Flint's head and not airier than Harry Potter on a broom), gaudy Halloween decorations in a hipster-happy joint, aesthetically aesthetic tres leche and crème brûlée lattes, insignificant but entertaining trashy college gossip and slightly above average Asian food.

into the Speed Force's terminal case of Examinitis.

Percy has final exams in paediatrics on Tuesday and Thursday. Percy is not coping well with the fact that he has final exams. Percy is, however, going to attempt to cope well with the fact that he has finals this week.

Percy has decided not to fracture his humerus in his attempt to prevent himself from sitting his finals.

he will fracture his pelvis instead... it's typically a more critical fracture.

Handbook of Hippogriff Pastry Psychology: Chapter Three.

dear Palace of Promiscuous Pastries, 

whilst my second cup of medium specialty coffee lasts for an hour, you last for approximately two minutes. this is not satisfactory. ask any woman. at times, you are flavourless, flaccid, frigid and unnecessarily flinty. you are also a remarkable bolus of fast-digesting, simple carbohydrates that my neurons seem to need but are never satisfied with. not unlike the seemingly pleasurable process of procreation. i keep wasting my dwindling allowance on you even though i don't need you like i need intramuscular injections of caffeine and IV dextrose. though one can argue that my wallet also does not deserve such coffee shop coffee assault... multiple times in a day. however, in conclusion, neither i nor the ginormous hippogriff, which i am currently raising as my aggressive yet magically magical child, are ecstatic about this. i suggest you sort yourself out or 50 points from HufflePUFF! 

love... Percy, a perfect prefect that should not prance with pastries.

Child Counsultant's Magical Anxiety Reducing Potion Shop.

Percy and his hypnotising hippogriff's pastry eating has been briefly suspended for a far more important post. 

for the past five weeks, Percy has been waking up at five in the morning, driving absurd distances from his house to get to his assigned hospital paediatric ward for that week and then to his university for two-hour long lectures on children with coughs and babies with congenital heart defects. this would be after he'd spent the whole morning taking histories, botching up clinical exams and then making a fool of himself to the healers by not being able to answer half their questions. he typically returns home at five-thirty or six-thirty in the afternoon most days. at times, he would have not had a single tea break during the day. 

this following week is the last week that Percy has to go to the hospital, because after this week, he has his FINAL exams. yes, after spending approximately 1 1/2 months in paediatric wards, Percy is now expected to examine an ill child for his paediatric examination on the 23rd, followed by a neonatal exam on the 26th of October where he is supposed to examine a baby that is not even a week old. 

did he mention that this week was the first week he'd even held a baby? 

in typical chewing-tables-and-having-relentless-anxiety fashion, Percy was told to evaluate his own performance by a paediatric counsultant on Thursday. after he told the consultant that he believed that his performance was satisfactory, the man said that he thought that Percy was better than that. when Percy mentioned that he was unhappy with his neonatal exam that he did with Dr Crup, the healer said, 

                                                      "Dr Crup* was very happy with you."

and when he said this, Percy thought that he was about to dissolve into happy tears. a counsultant paediatric healer had told Percy that he thinks that Percy's problem is that he overthinks things, and that he blanks out and gets nervous unnecessarily. and then he told Percy, 

         "people are nervous when they don't have the knowledge or the skill. you have both of those." 

it is the sentences and words that everyone had been telling him all his life, but Percy had never had a CONSULTANT take an hour of his day to sit with him, and tell him that he thought that Percy was doing more than satisfactory. in fact, if Percy had to genuinely rate himself, he would give himself an etremely subpar rating. it is with this thought that Percy decides that no matter what happens during the examinations, he realises that he should take the time to calm down. there will be NO third wizarding world if he had forgotten to ask the mother if she had a standard vaginal delivery if the rest of his history is still intact. 

Percy honestly felt like crying tears of joy when the doctor told him this. he felt like the heavy weight of his own expectations of himself disappear. Percy is fully aware that he will still leave his examination feeling like he could've done much better, but he is also aware that the healers know that Percy is under stress, and that he is truly his own worst critic. knowing that how he rates himself post-exam is nowhere near how the professors are going to rate him brings him a closure NOW that he is attempting to embrace. Percy knows that he will not be calm during his exam. he will be tachycardic, talk too quickly, have a resting tremor and suffer from signs of hyperthyroidism. and he will probably leave the exam with a mixture of doom and nausea. but at least he knows that it is perfectly normal. as is passing out, and ingesting his body weight in carbohydrates straight after. 

also, apparently, because Percy asked - the healers are not bothered when Percy repeats himself, or when he does not say anything for approximately ten seconds during said examination... who would have thought? 

*the healer that Percy was referring to has a surname that is a carnivorous animal of the dog family. 

Handbook of Hippogriff Pastry Psychology: Chapter Two.

in this chapter of Hippogriff Pastry Psychology, Percy would like to talk about the correct ways to consume a cinnamon roll. often, this aspect of the inhalation of the cinnamon roll is overlooked, but it is extremely vital for a hippogriff to consume a cinnamon roll correctly to achieve the most rhapsodic experience. it is crucial to understand that if the hippogriff is busy being... err, stimulated, they are most likely too preoccupied to kill you! 

firstly, you want to make sure that the hippogriff is awake. dangling Cinnabon on a string may be a perfectly fine way to get Percy's expansive squat-jump-and-responsibility-dodging arse out of bed, but trying to feed a cinnamon roll to a sleeping hippogriff is fatal... for some unknown reason that has plagued hippogriff tamer people for ages! perhaps, they would enjoy something lighter in the morning... like air, Ginny's favourite silky underpants... or whatever is left of your fleeting fortitude and forbearance!

secondly, a hippogriff tends to prefer their cinnamon rolls the same way that Percy prefers his alone time with his bed: in unnecessary, extensive and drowsy-inducing quantities! in fact, Percy believes that the most appropriate way to consume a cinnamon roll is to cover it with SO much sugary substance that his pancreatic B-cells start to threaten an early retirement.

thirdly, it is not wise to give hippogriffs Ben and Jerry's Cinnamon Bun ice-cream because they tend to suffer from, err... cinnamon runs. Percy refrains from further explanation.

fourthly, if Percy's mother, Molly, makes Nutella cinnamon rolls, then you may use it as a sufficient form of target practice when you are training them. unfortunately, some hippogriffs begin to believe that this substance is edible (it isn't their fault. Percy believed so too once upon a century), but please try to keep your hippogriffs away from this vile monstrosity. Molly's homemade traditional cinnamon rolls are much better than this edited catastrophe. if one has to choose between these Nutella cinnamon rolls and cardboard, Percy suggests the cardboard because of its high fiber content and easy digestion.

lastly, the worst way of feeding a hippogriff (and yourself) a cinnamon roll is not to consume one at all. this mistake is sacrilegous and as a result, may make other hippogriffs (and the rest of the population of the universe and the time continuum as it stands now) mock you. and think that you are strange because you also did not like bananas as a child. do not let them have the upper hand. amputate them, and take one cinnamon roll a day to ensure the cavities will stay!

Handbook of Hippogriff Pastry Psychology: Chapter One.

keeping up with the French theme, Percy has written a guide about another opulent-because-everything-French-is-opulent-oily-and-ostentatious buttery French air delicacy by the name of a "croissant."

Percy is going to start with the basics! if you want a hint of butter or cheese, there is no better vehicle than this beloved bread-based breakfast! Percy highly recommends it, especially if cleaning off the flaky pastry pieces off your favourite professional future-black cauldron-black trousers precipitates a miniature mental breakdown! it is no secret that hippogriffs especially adore it when their masters are covered in croissant crumbs... easier to eat breakfast and give you slobbery, Lactobacillus-containing kisses that way!

if you eat this pretty pitiful pastry with enough margarine or butter to harden your arteries or enough cheese to make a cow go into septic shock, then perhaps, you, like Percy, suffer from post-prandial indigestion! but hopefully, unlike Percy, is not heading towards hippogriff-sized pants! but if you, like Percy's university, use croissants as a component of a breakfast sandwich, then he refuses to associate himself with you. 

if you prefer to have a snitch-sized dollop of chocolate in your airy, unfulfilling croissant then scoff down a pain au chocolat. the elves named it so because cocoa beans all around the world are writhing in Cruciatus-induced agony knowing that they suffered through the labourious fermentation process only to be piped into microscopic morsels into an atmospheric-pressure-defying snack. be wary of tending to a hippogriff after eating a pain au chocolate... it pains them to know you ate this literally empty (where is my luscious chocolate centre?) promise! 

lastly, if you do not spend enough time agonising over your life choices, Percy suggests a pain aux raisins! when you get to the sticky paste embedded in the raisin swirl, you are guaranteed to start contemplating all your life choices! you also may start to wonder if your mother endured nine months of pregnancy so you could eat stodgy raisin bread bound with an amorphous sweet syrup with the consistency of Dumbledore's beard! it may even make you contemplate why in Merlin's name do you own a hippogriff? especially when you are fatally allergic to responsibility and insist that wearing your bra the second day is a normal thing that successful people do. 

Sara Farnham's scarily spacious October box of cherubic chocolate cravings include...

cold French air with chocolate flavour. 

what kind of moose mouse mousse does the blogosophere prefer?

Percy does not know about you, but he tends to prefer his mousse shoved down his gob... how very French.

into the Speed Force's ten kilograms deadlifts.

today, Percy made potatoes and did not burn down the kitchen. his deadlift technique is still somewhat atrocious, and his clean and presses are vexing... and a liability to those around him. last week, Percy spent most of his time in lectures about childhood bedwetting development, clinics, and wards. the worst is the boriiiing, coma-inducing lectures where healers shout at each other for an hour on controversial topics. also... apparently, the professor does not like it when you can barely read a chest x-ray and you are a 4th year medical student.

into the Speed Force's Paediatric Textbook.

today, Percy was upset by something trivial, didn't have enough sleep (he woke up 5!) and then had a 2hr nap when he came home at around 6. he feels much better now. also, today, Percy got invited for coffee by Lee Jordan and lunch by Luna Lovegood during his 2hr long break in university. and he did find out that bone condition that Luna Lovegood is osteochondromatosis. he also found out that the prep-work Percy did for his course might be useless not very helpful because this is the only course that Percy has ever taken where they are insistent about... not only the BOOK that you use, but also the EDITION of that cursed thing! on the plus side, Percy now has this fabled 600-page novel starring paediatric illustrations, sunflower chapters and Percy's inability to tolerate children. his uncle opened up a health food restaurant (!!) and Percy ordered a teriyaki salmon with noodles, which he will probably eat tomorrow because he has a negligible appetite today. the bad news is it's 8:20PM and Percy cannot fathom taking a shower even though he reeks of dungbombs. 

LIST OF VITAL LIFE SUFFERINGS TO ATTEMPT TO SCRAPE THROUGH IN SEPTEMBER

1. drive to university without getting into an automobile accident that is worthy of Ron's Flying Ford Anglia debacle and attempt not to submit to puddles of stress in the first 24 hours back to university.

2. soon after he returns to university, Percy should study until he succumbs to death. see? Percy is relaxed and is a very calm individual. he said soon after, not immediately after.

3. when dead, study more. rise like Inferius for exams.

4. kill self with weights return to Body Pump classes after taking a break for 2 months. main focus not on weights, but form because Percy has been doing body weight exercises with NO weights and getting more results than weight lifting. so, main focus is keeping form top-notch.

5. learn to perfect form on various exercises (yesterday, Percy noticed his jumping lunges had improved but he did not deepen his lunge, his sprints are no faster than flobberworms through peanut butter, his deadlifts could make a dragon's back crack and even his 'alright form' burpees look like he might as well have ardently yelled "i concede defeat... i will wear Ron's Yule Ball dress robes for my wedding!". this is important to do. Percy must perfect his form until he, err, looks drop dead gorgeous. see point 2 and 3 for additional information.

for nice news, look at the chocolate bar that Luna Lovegood bought for Percy multiple eons ago. Percy is holding onto this token of sweetness (pun intended) because, well, he is a loser with a minor infatuatio. also, Percy wants it to go on the (now large, multiple scrolls long) record that whilst he LOVES white chocolate (his favourite kind!), he dislikes these white chocolate squares with-with crushed chocolate biscuits in them. abominations tainting perfectly good white chocolate.

in less nice news, the first days of September were plagued by sadness as Percy cried and cried until he made himself so ill that he could not celebrate Eid on the first of September, which is one of two of the official holidays of the year. he sat at home as he watched his family getting ready with a heavy heart and a pang in his chest because he would not join them. Percy was not aware that one could actually cry themselves up to the point where the next morning their head is still pounding, their non-existent muscles are still sore as well as their throats and stomach. he supposed that breaking into tears in front of his mother, Molly Weasley, within twenty minutes of waking up was not a very good thing either. Percy could not move without feeling like his head was about to implode like a cauldron in one of Severus Snape's classes... and yet the night ended with the sweetness of a piece of Pink Coconut Ice as Percy found himself with his legs curled up in his shark pajamas that vigorously yell YOU ARE FINTASTIC, watching Despicable Me 3 and eating cheese-stuffed crust pizza with his father, Arthur Weasley and young sister Roxanne in Roxanne's very pink room.

he also sorted out an issue with Fred that was avidly distressing Percy that turned out to be a colossal, Hagrid-sized misunderstanding. it was distressing Percy to the point where he did not go to get coffee that day because he enjoyed coffee trips and decided that he was 'undeserving' of all the things that he enjoyed. during the resolving of this issue, Percy thought that it was wise to sit on the bathroom tiles and sob pathetically because he did not want people to know that he was crying again.

Percy is currently Catherine wheeling between feeling unhealthily remorseful because of... well, nothing but apparently, he is very sorry for it, extraordinarily euphoric for being blessed with such flawless friends and family and wonderfully chagrined towards the fact that he has put on weight this summer vacation. because normal people do not put on weight during vacations and holidays. they miraculously stay the same weight after they decided to open the blasted tin of Quality Streets before and after they'd had their three platefuls of rice with enough lamb to make the muggle metal band Lamb of God frightened for the safety of their lives. so, in conclusion, one could say that the beginning of this month was one big... calambity. 

list of things Percy actually did August.

1. succumb to the fact that no matter how hard he tried, Percy will not go to sleep before 2AM.

2. finish Breaking Bad and debate on whether you hate or love the ending for about 2 weeks.

3. wonder whether most people see Pepperidge Farms goldfish crackers are smiling goldfish, or fish with gills. Percy believes that they are just super cute fish with gills. 

also, despite his endorphin-producing mixed martial arts class, Percy broke into tears three times today for no reason whatsoever. twice when writing to Fred and once in front of his mother, Molly Weasley. he almost broke into tears in the middle of a big shopping centre, clutching two new pairs of gaudy gym pants in a muted tealish blue and a printed purple, whilst screaming to himself: I DON'T WANT EID TOMORROW. his father bought him 300g (!) of Cadbury chocolates to comfort him. and because their fridge broke down.

a hot, steaming cup of vacation with a side of sugar and a cupcke the size of a dragon, OR where Percy travelled to this summer holiday.

on recounting of the events that occurred this historic summer, Percy paid proliferously (twenty-six Galleons for 3 bloody sessions!) for a personal trainer during Ramadan. his personal trainer taught him how to entangle himself in a fatal contraption called the TRX and corrected his form on basic exercises, like chocolate-cream-sponges lunges, and you-shouldn't-have-had-the-Starbucks-munch-es crunches. after a period of mourning the fact that after spending five years with a gym membership and is still unable to withstand a plank longer than 30 seconds with proper form ("who am i? who is unsure of their squat jump technique and how many carbohydrates are in a single slice of breaaaad?"), he rose like Fawkes from the ashes and majored in a part of a sports film directed by Gilderoy Lockhart. Percy cannot remember this film for some reason.

during Ramadan, he also decided to take his father, Arthur Weasley, his nineteen-year-old sister Ginny and thirteen-year-old sister, Roxanne out one evening, where they consumed their weight in tasteless noodles covered in cream, and then had caramel macchiatos afterwards. Percy was not impressed because he had an holy honey and cinnamon latte before their coffee run brisk walk. because nobody runs in Ramadan.

it was in Starbucks that Percy documented the existence of this foul abomination (that did not make it near his mouth). Newt Scamander would be proud, as Percy logged his near encounter with this lolly-gagging, bloodless beverage be taketh over these sweltering lands. never will he be trying this illegal sugar rush. and Percy still asks himself with the wisdom and vigilance of Alastor Moody,
                                               what part of the lollipop does the cream come from?

in the same day, he also hit a small sidewalk and managed to drive OVER it. Arthur Weasley was not happy.

they had an obligatory family gathering during the time of Gerga'oon - to also be described as the wizarding Middle Eastern Halloween. children would insist on running around in their polished crisp clothing and golden threads with colours that would make a Pygmy Puff seem depressed. his mother made enough sweets to last one night in his house a life-time and Percy might have been caught scoffing one of his mother's homemade frosted chocolate cupcakes with chocolate ganache and crumbled flake or he may scoffed ten.

during the summer holidays, Percy went to Turkey with his family. in the first day, he recalled running down the airport wearing his mother's awfully chosen soft ashen-grey hoodie that proclaimed in bold, crisp-white letters LOVE YOURSELF. at this point, his reproductive organs were twisting and turning and producing cramps that could not be dulled by mild pain potions. needless to say, Percy did not love himself. and his mushroom and cheese toastie from Costa was stale. the flight rushed by quickly. they spent their first night in Turkey roaming around Taksim Square where they found out that the location was not particularly to the liking given the fact that they had to swim through the mass quantity of people at night. Percy had a 'fresh' pretzel served off a vendor. it was doughy, and stale and he needed to have dragon teeth to chew. he also ate Ginny's. at this point, Percy wanted it to go on record that the hotel food was absolutely atrocious. the food there was so and so in Instabul but it did not stop Percy from gobbling down mass quantities of it.

in fact, one of the first things that Percy did was stock up on foreign junk food. apparently, Turkey love their dark chocolates, chia seeds, and... crackers? wonderful. a nation without a palate.

Percy spent hours with his extended family outside in the heat with no air conditioning where they went off to see historic places (a sultan's palace that Percy does not know the name of nor cared for. during their visit, Percy sat down at the ground with the rest of his family in a picnic-like fashion and ate crackers), a giant park (Percy drank hot chocolate and saw women have their wedding photos taken in the flobberworm-infested muck), Wonder Woman in the Turkish cinema, and mini Turk. they ate near the sea, in a café with no air conditioning, and in other places that Percy did not typically eat at because where he is from, there is air conditioning everywhere to ward off the 50 degree Celsius weather. and they drank Starbucks every day. Percy noticed that the Turkish caramel macchiato is a bajillion times sweeter than the ones in his country. PERFECT. their sweets were to Avada Kedavra for. Percy drank hot chocolates, and gorged on brownies and oaty flapjacks wherever he went. Percy might have passed out in a sugar coma in a sultan's palace at some point.

then Percy departed from his extended family and just went off with his regular mini family to a luxurious (!!) resort in Antalya. to say that Percy did not fit in would be an understatement. here he was wearing headscarves, and long-sleeved shirts to the gym whilst women paraded around in bikinis and abdominals he only saw in Instagram. it was really out of a film. Percy spent his time there in the resort in the gym, particularly in the men's section where he realised that blokes actually DO bloody grunt and groan and make sounds that make Percy wonder if he should call for an ambulance. he also ate lots of big yellow apples because the gym offered it for free. along with fruit-infused water and free yoga classes.

Percy joined a KANGAROO JUMP class on his last day there. in the beginning, he couldn't even think of walking with those aerated shoes of destruction and despair, but by the end, he was running in them. jumping in them felt like he was riding a broomstick - FLYING! Percy was always terrible in his Flying classes. he was running SO slowly. he was the last back. by the time he'd come back, they were just finishing off with ab exercises. the instructor with long, curly dark hair hello, tanned Sirius and the rest of the soulless, golden-skinned fitness models were LAUGHING at him. very much out of a film. bastards.

the food there was endless, mostly free and the majority of it was amazing. every breakfast, lunch and dinner, they were serving the right style buffet style. Percy watched girls with zero body fat scarf down watermelon whilst there was a dessert table that stretched so far across that Percy felt like Mr Flume himself was giving him the go ahead to gorge on tantalising tarts and charming caramels.

at this point in time, Percy wants to mention what these were: the last one that is covered by Percy's hot-chocolate holding hand is a cross between a bakewell tart and an oaty flapjack, the one with the dollopy swirly thing was a sticky, moist date cake, and the last was a blackberry cheesecake. nobody that is sane would rather have abs when there was bakewell-oaty-date-cheesecakes involved in a LUXURY RESORT.

then they returned back to the Old City in Istanbul. they spent most of the time eating and shopping. Percy discovered a Starbucks whole-grain cheese pastry that he just immediately fell in love with. he and his parents finally got some alone time because they visited a baklawa shop, and they sat down whilst Percy was sipping on hot chocolate and eating different freshly prepared baklawa sweets with his parents. his father, Arthur Weasley, drank enough Turkish coffee to drown a small village. they found a restaurant that made a delightful vegetarian Turkish pizza. they went on long walks aimlessly and just talked about things that Percy couldn't really call right now but it made him very happy to talk about them. he remembered the feeling of gooey fuzziness. of course, that just might be the bountiful sugar and warm, toasty carbohydrates talking.

and that is precisely how he had put on four kilos this vacation. fortunately not very visible.