LIST OF VITAL LIFE SUFFERINGS TO ATTEMPT TO SCRAPE THROUGH IN SEPTEMBER

1. drive to university without getting into an automobile accident that is worthy of Ron's Flying Ford Anglia debacle and attempt not to submit to puddles of stress in the first 24 hours back to university.

2. soon after he returns to university, Percy should study until he succumbs to death. see? Percy is relaxed and is a very calm individual. he said soon after, not immediately after.

3. when dead, study more. rise like Inferius for exams.

4. kill self with weights return to Body Pump classes after taking a break for 2 months. main focus not on weights, but form because Percy has been doing body weight exercises with NO weights and getting more results than weight lifting. so, main focus is keeping form top-notch.

5. learn to perfect form on various exercises (yesterday, Percy noticed his jumping lunges had improved but he did not deepen his lunge, his sprints are no faster than flobberworms through peanut butter, his deadlifts could make a dragon's back crack and even his 'alright form' burpees look like he might as well have ardently yelled "i concede defeat... i will wear Ron's Yule Ball dress robes for my wedding!". this is important to do. Percy must perfect his form until he, err, looks drop dead gorgeous. see point 2 and 3 for additional information.

for nice news, look at the chocolate bar that Luna Lovegood bought for Percy multiple eons ago. Percy is holding onto this token of sweetness (pun intended) because, well, he is a loser with a minor infatuatio. also, Percy wants it to go on the (now large, multiple scrolls long) record that whilst he LOVES white chocolate (his favourite kind!), he dislikes these white chocolate squares with-with crushed chocolate biscuits in them. abominations tainting perfectly good white chocolate.

in less nice news, the first days of September were plagued by sadness as Percy cried and cried until he made himself so ill that he could not celebrate Eid on the first of September, which is one of two of the official holidays of the year. he sat at home as he watched his family getting ready with a heavy heart and a pang in his chest because he would not join them. Percy was not aware that one could actually cry themselves up to the point where the next morning their head is still pounding, their non-existent muscles are still sore as well as their throats and stomach. he supposed that breaking into tears in front of his mother, Molly Weasley, within twenty minutes of waking up was not a very good thing either. Percy could not move without feeling like his head was about to implode like a cauldron in one of Severus Snape's classes... and yet the night ended with the sweetness of a piece of Pink Coconut Ice as Percy found himself with his legs curled up in his shark pajamas that vigorously yell YOU ARE FINTASTIC, watching Despicable Me 3 and eating cheese-stuffed crust pizza with his father, Arthur Weasley and young sister Roxanne in Roxanne's very pink room.

he also sorted out an issue with Fred that was avidly distressing Percy that turned out to be a colossal, Hagrid-sized misunderstanding. it was distressing Percy to the point where he did not go to get coffee that day because he enjoyed coffee trips and decided that he was 'undeserving' of all the things that he enjoyed. during the resolving of this issue, Percy thought that it was wise to sit on the bathroom tiles and sob pathetically because he did not want people to know that he was crying again.

Percy is currently Catherine wheeling between feeling unhealthily remorseful because of... well, nothing but apparently, he is very sorry for it, extraordinarily euphoric for being blessed with such flawless friends and family and wonderfully chagrined towards the fact that he has put on weight this summer vacation. because normal people do not put on weight during vacations and holidays. they miraculously stay the same weight after they decided to open the blasted tin of Quality Streets before and after they'd had their three platefuls of rice with enough lamb to make the muggle metal band Lamb of God frightened for the safety of their lives. so, in conclusion, one could say that the beginning of this month was one big... calambity. 

list of crucial things to do in August.

1. use fairy nargles as plausible explanation as to why Percy's ability to keep blog posts is about as admirable as Ambrosius Flume's ability to sell nausea-effectuating in his sweets. 

2. read more important, sophisticated-looking literature. even if Percy thinks Fahrenheit 451 depicts a unsettling relationship between the girl and main character and that he would much rather curl up with a copy of The Beach Café (which Percy was absolutely stoked to realise that it is just one book in a series).

3. vomit in an go to the amusement park and ride that swirly ride that might give Percy an undiagnosed mild concussion, a bruised arm and a fractured rib like last time. note: do not attempt when menstruating.

4. convince his mother, Molly Weasley, that the world would not suddenly combust into ashes, Floo powder and dust if Percy drives farther than oh, 10 minutes away from his house (unfeasible task currently pending).  

5. comprehend why his mother, Molly, sees the way he wears his important paranormal headscarf as a venial sin. 

6. find and buy several pairs of camo pants even though most of Percy's family despises them. 

7. now that he has perfected his recipe for his warm gnocchi salad (approx. 100g gnocchi, roasted mushrooms, eggplant, onions and corn tossed with spinach or kale, with an olive oil dressing, topped with seriously generous amount of parmesan cheese), Percy must now attempt to make a cold ravioli salad using spinach or kale. 

8. use his horde of electronic copies of Seventeen magazines, of which he has skimmed through, categorised by month and year, and then sub-categorised for personal irrelevance... sad note: it took him a MONTH to finish. 

1. Percy implied fairy nargles in this blog post, thus absolving him of any responsibility to explain his inability to maintain a post for any longer than Silvanus Kettleburn contemplated writing his name on his underpants.

9. only vaguely mention but never write a blog post about the atrocity of coffee drinks containing an indigestible dose of unwholesome matcha green tea death powder.