the curious case of the ironic anaemic that liked copper.

things that have happened in the last two months, plus what Percy has been so overwrought with this year: 

1. Percy spent his days in a hazy fog of fasting, with relentless examinations assaulting his delicate, deteriorating brain matter, missed Quidditch sessions and indigestion from mum's homemade carrot cake. at some point, he entered a saturnine state, and it is because of this semi-self-inflicted delirium that Percy spent forty-eight seconds guffawing because a professor misspelled a healer's name as healer Gay Fox.

2. for his repeat paediatric examination, Percy coped well by not sleeping for twenty-four hours prior not having a minor psychological crisis when he was asked to perform the Dementor-defacing, erumpent-extirpating, Umbridge-upsetting Moro reflex on a two-day-old neonate.

3. he discovered that "medium coffee, half pump syrup, extra shot" is a standard order for his colleagues.

4. he, thy wretched Wampussie, cried in the hospital lavatory at least once.

4. Percy soothed a weeping Hufflepuff... and agreed to tutor her last-minute for an examination he already took.

5. the bloke that Percy wanted to, um, share pumpkin pasties with turned out to be a large orifice opening.

the Acid Pops that Percy wants to now suggestively shove into said bloke-that-did-not-deserve-Hufflepuff's gob now might help him teach others the wonders of radiographs! 

6. Percy was told to leave the labour ward because... despite seeing intestines being drawn out of one's stomach (and thinking of what to scoff off for breakfast simultaneously) and seeing foot bones crack under the pressure of an orthopaedic healer's- err, unidentifiable instrument...! watching a woman gave birth made Percy nearly faint because he did not know that the human body could hold this much blood, water, and whatever that murky-coloured liquor is. on another note, Percy is having a semi-validated existential crisis after realising he's seen more of other women's anatomy than of his own... hopefully, his cervix would never need to be, err, serviced.

7. Percy's first psychiatric experience was a prompt three-hour interview with a schizophrenic.

8. he was told to take a history from unpleasant Hogwarts' teacher that once signalled him out as the only blubbery Gryffindor in the grade at thirteen years old, and implied to him him multiple times to subsist on a diet of chicken breast, celery sticks and carrots (not unlike his charming guidance counsellor!). her medical complaint? she'd spent so many years yelling at hoodlums that she was beginning to lose her voice. um...

8. he had the displeasure of watching a depressed patient electively undergo electroconvulsive therapy, which he thought was stopped long enough for it to be taught in a History of Magic curriculum by Professor Binns!

9. an anxious Percy walked into his psychiatric finals, feeling like he might have panic attack, vomit or DIE. and his first patient (out of six) complained of... panic attacks. absolutely bloody cosmic!

10. Percy has, yet again, put on stones of weight that is as visible to others as Harry in an invisibility cloak! in fact, he is currently 12 stones 8, and has 'only' lost approx 3 stones from his high weight. nobody has noticed because it is all in his... err, bath buns. which he does not want anyone to "pour a little sugar on". and besides his UK 14 arse, he hadn't needed to change in the rest of his clothing!

Percy's semi-unhealthy bath buns look suspiciously like cinnamon rolls heaped with unicorn sugar icing. 

11. his GP bought him a hot beverage every day for 6 (!!!) weeks, and he politely choked it down because she assumed that he only drank horklump-sized amounts of sugar.




with his results in, Percy's managed to get middle-of-the-road-to-Diagon-Alley marks. he assumed he'd get his top mark in Obstetrics and Gynaecology given all the time he spent building up his tolerance to prevent his bowel from liquefying at the caecum-wrenching sight of a sterile speculum (he thinks most of his boisterous red curls turned Dumbledore silver at this point!). instead, his top marks were in Psychiatry, where he'd manage to make a crucial error in a question about...
                                                                        eating disorders. 

of all the fat-free, Hermione-Ganger-sized... RUBBISH!

into the Speed Force's terminal case of Examinitis.

Percy has final exams in paediatrics on Tuesday and Thursday. Percy is not coping well with the fact that he has final exams. Percy is, however, going to attempt to cope well with the fact that he has finals this week.

Percy has decided not to fracture his humerus in his attempt to prevent himself from sitting his finals.

he will fracture his pelvis instead... it's typically a more critical fracture.

into the Speed Force's ten kilograms deadlifts.

today, Percy made potatoes and did not burn down the kitchen. his deadlift technique is still somewhat atrocious, and his clean and presses are vexing... and a liability to those around him. last week, Percy spent most of his time in lectures about childhood bedwetting development, clinics, and wards. the worst is the boriiiing, coma-inducing lectures where healers shout at each other for an hour on controversial topics. also... apparently, the professor does not like it when you can barely read a chest x-ray and you are a 4th year medical student.

into the Speed Force's Paediatric Textbook.

today, Percy was upset by something trivial, didn't have enough sleep (he woke up 5!) and then had a 2hr nap when he came home at around 6. he feels much better now. also, today, Percy got invited for coffee by Lee Jordan and lunch by Luna Lovegood during his 2hr long break in university. and he did find out that bone condition that Luna Lovegood is osteochondromatosis. he also found out that the prep-work Percy did for his course might be useless not very helpful because this is the only course that Percy has ever taken where they are insistent about... not only the BOOK that you use, but also the EDITION of that cursed thing! on the plus side, Percy now has this fabled 600-page novel starring paediatric illustrations, sunflower chapters and Percy's inability to tolerate children. his uncle opened up a health food restaurant (!!) and Percy ordered a teriyaki salmon with noodles, which he will probably eat tomorrow because he has a negligible appetite today. the bad news is it's 8:20PM and Percy cannot fathom taking a shower even though he reeks of dungbombs. 

into the Speed Force's Christmas pudding.

today, Percy memorised how to take a paediatric history. he was not undoubtedly methodical despite the fact that he is an graphorn-sized infant with attachment issues... mostly to quixotic goals and expectations.

he then went to the most prodigious hospital in his country as a test-drive for his college, where he might be assigned an either vile or splendiferous post to (an August goal) and concluded in the fifteen minutes that he was there that he would presumably end up in Azkaban trying to park (!!) in that forlorn building

he also bought: new (x, x) Ben and Jerry's (including the holy gem that is this non-dairy Ben and Jerry's), enough Cadbury to make Ambrosius Flume sick, a truly uninspired and awful September-October copy of a Seventeen magazine (PS. Percy cannot wait for the next one!!), his first ever malicious-looking Kind bar and a box of newly found Nakd Banana Crunch. it's made with soya protein crunchies. they apparently... crunch.

in conclusion, Percy cannot keep a sickle in his pocket for longer than twenty seconds.

which reminds Percy to mention that his blog title, "Percy nearly broke his teeth on a silver sickle embedded in his slice" refers a short scene in The Philosopher's Stone. the scene illustrates the fact that Percy is both lucky and unlucky. he is lucky because evidently, it is tradition to put a silvery token in a slice of Christmas pudding. this symbolises that the person that gets that token is lucky... but Percy is also SO unlucky because he nearly broke his teeth on... well, his own luck.

he also did 155 burpees today. now, he has the burp...ees. and the impending heart burn.

into the Speed Force's bubble tea shop.

the best part of today was Percy realising that the one-minute walk from the mall to his muggle transportation contraption was enough to transform Ginny's ice-blended taro bubble tea with tapioca balls into a purple puddle. it was very magical.