the curious case of the ironic anaemic that liked copper.

things that have happened in the last two months, plus what Percy has been so overwrought with this year: 

1. Percy spent his days in a hazy fog of fasting, with relentless examinations assaulting his delicate, deteriorating brain matter, missed Quidditch sessions and indigestion from mum's homemade carrot cake. at some point, he entered a saturnine state, and it is because of this semi-self-inflicted delirium that Percy spent forty-eight seconds guffawing because a professor misspelled a healer's name as healer Gay Fox.

2. for his repeat paediatric examination, Percy coped well by not sleeping for twenty-four hours prior not having a minor psychological crisis when he was asked to perform the Dementor-defacing, erumpent-extirpating, Umbridge-upsetting Moro reflex on a two-day-old neonate.

3. he discovered that "medium coffee, half pump syrup, extra shot" is a standard order for his colleagues.

4. he, thy wretched Wampussie, cried in the hospital lavatory at least once.

4. Percy soothed a weeping Hufflepuff... and agreed to tutor her last-minute for an examination he already took.

5. the bloke that Percy wanted to, um, share pumpkin pasties with turned out to be a large orifice opening.

the Acid Pops that Percy wants to now suggestively shove into said bloke-that-did-not-deserve-Hufflepuff's gob now might help him teach others the wonders of radiographs! 

6. Percy was told to leave the labour ward because... despite seeing intestines being drawn out of one's stomach (and thinking of what to scoff off for breakfast simultaneously) and seeing foot bones crack under the pressure of an orthopaedic healer's- err, unidentifiable instrument...! watching a woman gave birth made Percy nearly faint because he did not know that the human body could hold this much blood, water, and whatever that murky-coloured liquor is. on another note, Percy is having a semi-validated existential crisis after realising he's seen more of other women's anatomy than of his own... hopefully, his cervix would never need to be, err, serviced.

7. Percy's first psychiatric experience was a prompt three-hour interview with a schizophrenic.

8. he was told to take a history from unpleasant Hogwarts' teacher that once signalled him out as the only blubbery Gryffindor in the grade at thirteen years old, and implied to him him multiple times to subsist on a diet of chicken breast, celery sticks and carrots (not unlike his charming guidance counsellor!). her medical complaint? she'd spent so many years yelling at hoodlums that she was beginning to lose her voice. um...

8. he had the displeasure of watching a depressed patient electively undergo electroconvulsive therapy, which he thought was stopped long enough for it to be taught in a History of Magic curriculum by Professor Binns!

9. an anxious Percy walked into his psychiatric finals, feeling like he might have panic attack, vomit or DIE. and his first patient (out of six) complained of... panic attacks. absolutely bloody cosmic!

10. Percy has, yet again, put on stones of weight that is as visible to others as Harry in an invisibility cloak! in fact, he is currently 12 stones 8, and has 'only' lost approx 3 stones from his high weight. nobody has noticed because it is all in his... err, bath buns. which he does not want anyone to "pour a little sugar on". and besides his UK 14 arse, he hadn't needed to change in the rest of his clothing!

Percy's semi-unhealthy bath buns look suspiciously like cinnamon rolls heaped with unicorn sugar icing. 

11. his GP bought him a hot beverage every day for 6 (!!!) weeks, and he politely choked it down because she assumed that he only drank horklump-sized amounts of sugar.




with his results in, Percy's managed to get middle-of-the-road-to-Diagon-Alley marks. he assumed he'd get his top mark in Obstetrics and Gynaecology given all the time he spent building up his tolerance to prevent his bowel from liquefying at the caecum-wrenching sight of a sterile speculum (he thinks most of his boisterous red curls turned Dumbledore silver at this point!). instead, his top marks were in Psychiatry, where he'd manage to make a crucial error in a question about...
                                                                        eating disorders. 

of all the fat-free, Hermione-Ganger-sized... RUBBISH!

this overdue owl is overdue.

Percy turned twenty-three three days ago. he thinks he did absolutely terrible very well at his Obstetrics and Gynaecology examination. no, his speculum did NOT get stuck into any model's cervix. he saw a pterygium in the GP clinic and heard a systolic murmur in a little girl that was just about as loud as a fulminating Thor's Thunder Cracker... and the bloke at the operating theatre thinks Percy look like an Inferi that only eats low-fat, high-protein Beater Boosts and keeps on consistently giving him scrubs that won't go up his callipygian figure.

some days, he is really sad and wishes that he'd disappear faster than Neville Longbottom after he'd mucked up his third potion of the week! but he finds that more often than not, he is very exhausted and happier than Dudley Dursley with a biscuit tin filled with Jammie Dodgers. oh, and he's put on a almost two stones since he'd last posted. fortunately, nobody noticed the fact that Percy's plump posterior is now big enough to make a centaur blush and somehow, his non-existent breast tissue managed to expand enough to give him month-long wardrobe malfunctions. today, as he did his burpees, his bra clasp snapped open and grace the exercise mat with its #freedCoopersligament status ... and no, it was not a freeing feminist statement!

also, he is very exuberant about the prospects of this immeasurable, amorphous entity called life... for he might eat overpriced Japanese noodles this Friday in a belated birthday celebration!