this post does not fit into this blog.

things that have happened in the last million months since Percy wrote an owl, plus what else Percy has been so distressed with this year:

• Percy has put on an embarrassing amount of weight, which makes him unable to leave the house in fear of hearing hippogriff mating calls. not even to go to the gym, because people there remember when he was less Puffskein and more Pixie Puff. in fact, he feels like he is Quaffle-sized and has no interest in leaving the house in case he's captured by Hagrid because he's accidentally mistaken him for a deranged Norwegian Ridgeback on shocking amounts of potion. Molly and Arthur are commenting on his weight on very regular intervals, which leave him feeling ecstatic of course. he would never have known that he'd put on weight unless someone tells him! because he obviously hasn't noticed that his thighs create enough friction to start a fire! a fire that could've probably would've lit up Bill and Fleur's wedding in a way that Death Eaters could not!
  
  ironically enough, he's put on so much weight because he is even more disorderly than before, which is absolutely gold-snitch wonderful. he has more food rules than Umbridge had Educational Decrees. and unfortunately, because of the amount of weight that he's put on, he could not even enjoy his summer plans because he'd rather stay at home and stew in his own self-hatred.

 

• oh, and he's finished medical school. in his last exam, he left and started CRYING because he had Umbridge's four-foot-eleven twin sister. the exam coordinator tried to calm him down but to no avail. he had been absolutely wrecked for days. but he is so focused on his weight that he does not want to go to his own graduation and he most definitely does not want to go on holiday looking like this. absolutely wonderful. his celebrations are marred by the fact that he would rather eat cockroach clusters and probably will given his size. he's so depressed all the time, and has been delaying this post for... well, since he'd found out his results a month ago.

the curious case of the ironic anaemic that liked copper.

things that have happened in the last two months, plus what Percy has been so overwrought with this year: 

1. Percy spent his days in a hazy fog of fasting, with relentless examinations assaulting his delicate, deteriorating brain matter, missed Quidditch sessions and indigestion from mum's homemade carrot cake. at some point, he entered a saturnine state, and it is because of this semi-self-inflicted delirium that Percy spent forty-eight seconds guffawing because a professor misspelled a healer's name as healer Gay Fox.

2. for his repeat paediatric examination, Percy coped well by not sleeping for twenty-four hours prior not having a minor psychological crisis when he was asked to perform the Dementor-defacing, erumpent-extirpating, Umbridge-upsetting Moro reflex on a two-day-old neonate.

3. he discovered that "medium coffee, half pump syrup, extra shot" is a standard order for his colleagues.

4. he, thy wretched Wampussie, cried in the hospital lavatory at least once.

4. Percy soothed a weeping Hufflepuff... and agreed to tutor her last-minute for an examination he already took.

5. the bloke that Percy wanted to, um, share pumpkin pasties with turned out to be a large orifice opening.

the Acid Pops that Percy wants to now suggestively shove into said bloke-that-did-not-deserve-Hufflepuff's gob now might help him teach others the wonders of radiographs! 

6. Percy was told to leave the labour ward because... despite seeing intestines being drawn out of one's stomach (and thinking of what to scoff off for breakfast simultaneously) and seeing foot bones crack under the pressure of an orthopaedic healer's- err, unidentifiable instrument...! watching a woman gave birth made Percy nearly faint because he did not know that the human body could hold this much blood, water, and whatever that murky-coloured liquor is. on another note, Percy is having a semi-validated existential crisis after realising he's seen more of other women's anatomy than of his own... hopefully, his cervix would never need to be, err, serviced.

7. Percy's first psychiatric experience was a prompt three-hour interview with a schizophrenic.

8. he was told to take a history from unpleasant Hogwarts' teacher that once signalled him out as the only blubbery Gryffindor in the grade at thirteen years old, and implied to him him multiple times to subsist on a diet of chicken breast, celery sticks and carrots (not unlike his charming guidance counsellor!). her medical complaint? she'd spent so many years yelling at hoodlums that she was beginning to lose her voice. um...

8. he had the displeasure of watching a depressed patient electively undergo electroconvulsive therapy, which he thought was stopped long enough for it to be taught in a History of Magic curriculum by Professor Binns!

9. an anxious Percy walked into his psychiatric finals, feeling like he might have panic attack, vomit or DIE. and his first patient (out of six) complained of... panic attacks. absolutely bloody cosmic!

10. Percy has, yet again, put on stones of weight that is as visible to others as Harry in an invisibility cloak! in fact, he is currently 12 stones 8, and has 'only' lost approx 3 stones from his high weight. nobody has noticed because it is all in his... err, bath buns. which he does not want anyone to "pour a little sugar on". and besides his UK 14 arse, he hadn't needed to change in the rest of his clothing!

Percy's semi-unhealthy bath buns look suspiciously like cinnamon rolls heaped with unicorn sugar icing. 

11. his GP bought him a hot beverage every day for 6 (!!!) weeks, and he politely choked it down because she assumed that he only drank horklump-sized amounts of sugar.




with his results in, Percy's managed to get middle-of-the-road-to-Diagon-Alley marks. he assumed he'd get his top mark in Obstetrics and Gynaecology given all the time he spent building up his tolerance to prevent his bowel from liquefying at the caecum-wrenching sight of a sterile speculum (he thinks most of his boisterous red curls turned Dumbledore silver at this point!). instead, his top marks were in Psychiatry, where he'd manage to make a crucial error in a question about...
                                                                        eating disorders. 

of all the fat-free, Hermione-Ganger-sized... RUBBISH!

a short, belated owl to Father Christmas.

dear Father Christmas, this December, besides telling Percy that he has failed not succeeding in his paediatrics exam, you have given him a motor vehicle collision that resulted in him losing his muggle transportation contraption created by Flyte and Barker. he had replaced it... with the same exact model. you then confiscated his ancient, convulsion-prone muggle fellytone, so he had to replace that as well! to add on, his Quidditch watch that he has had for approximately 1 1/2 yeas now has last been seen in a café that dared to serve the most unholy rose lattes, and Percy is suspecting that you were involved in its disappearance. during this time period, you have also given Percy AND the rest of his mates a psychiatry-induced depression! he spent the past two months in a fog AND a state... AND he'd also put on half a stone!  

in honour of the new year and all the oppressed cocoa beans in the world, Percy resolved not to give Father Christmas anymore chocolate biccies! i hope you choke on your custard creams, you fat miserable git! 

intothe Speed Force's not so terminal, somewhat education case of Examinitis.

this month, Percy failed his first examination since he'd gotten into medical Azkaban school.

this was not because he was not prepared, nor was it because he did not have the appropriate amount of knowledge (in fact, he had more knowledge than most... especially about the causes of hypotonia in small baby Swedish Short-Snouts!) it was not because he was attempting to free Hogwarts from the dangers of mountain trolls, or Crabbe and Goyle's bloated Pygmy Puff-like facial features or the improper treatment of house-elves.

unfortunately, he... neglected to take his important beta-blocker potion Atenolol before the examination and got SO anxious he could barely speak in his ORAL exam. because his beta was not blocked... unfortunately.

after hearing about this predicament, Percy spent FOUR days in a state of severe depression. he spent most days crying for hours whilst listening to muggle metal music that told him that he was a warrior and that his dominance could not be denied. he fit all the nine criteria for depression, including suicidal ideation. he thoroughly refused to bathe himself for more than once every two days. he barely ate and then spent too much money on stodgy takeaway pasta and attempting to drown himself in his unsolicited caffeine addiction.

after the four days, Percy started to feel invigorated... and ready to attempt to succeed. and hungry.

then Percy told his parents about his failures. he told other people about his failures.

apparently, there is nobody that left medical school without failing something.

he had gone out for a coffee run with a few students, and one of them sent him a long, long message about how he was actually very good in paediatrics, this did not define him and that if he needed someone to talk to, there was someone there to listen. and that she liked having coffee runs with him - even if especially when he shoved warm fresh baked Nestle cookies down his gob. and there with there were so many people that sat there talking to him for a while about how he was going to be okay. and that this happened to everyone and it was normal. even if Percy talked about his failure in the tone of
                                  "Charms is a very difficult but charming subject!"

the most shocking thing that Percy realised was that his failure did not make others see him as less than he was before. they just saw him as a victim of a bad day. and that comforted him greatly.

Percy is currently in psychiatry. he had spent a week with an general psychiatrist where he took a long interview (1 1/2 hours' worth of information) from a schizophrenic patient. then he spent a week in the OPD with a psychiatrist specialising in anxiety disorders. now, he is currently in the child psychiatric unit.

on a sweeter (pun intended) note... after his paediatric rotation ended, Percy went out with Lee Jordan and Ginny Weasley. their Friday afternoon turned into a blur of saffron cake with cardamom ice-cream (that Percy did not eat because his cake had to be denser than Marcus Flint's head and not airier than Harry Potter on a broom), gaudy Halloween decorations in a hipster-happy joint, aesthetically aesthetic tres leche and crème brûlée lattes, insignificant but entertaining trashy college gossip and slightly above average Asian food.

into the Speed Force's terminal case of Examinitis.

Percy has final exams in paediatrics on Tuesday and Thursday. Percy is not coping well with the fact that he has final exams. Percy is, however, going to attempt to cope well with the fact that he has finals this week.

Percy has decided not to fracture his humerus in his attempt to prevent himself from sitting his finals.

he will fracture his pelvis instead... it's typically a more critical fracture.

Child Counsultant's Magical Anxiety Reducing Potion Shop.

Percy and his hypnotising hippogriff's pastry eating has been briefly suspended for a far more important post. 

for the past five weeks, Percy has been waking up at five in the morning, driving absurd distances from his house to get to his assigned hospital paediatric ward for that week and then to his university for two-hour long lectures on children with coughs and babies with congenital heart defects. this would be after he'd spent the whole morning taking histories, botching up clinical exams and then making a fool of himself to the healers by not being able to answer half their questions. he typically returns home at five-thirty or six-thirty in the afternoon most days. at times, he would have not had a single tea break during the day. 

this following week is the last week that Percy has to go to the hospital, because after this week, he has his FINAL exams. yes, after spending approximately 1 1/2 months in paediatric wards, Percy is now expected to examine an ill child for his paediatric examination on the 23rd, followed by a neonatal exam on the 26th of October where he is supposed to examine a baby that is not even a week old. 

did he mention that this week was the first week he'd even held a baby? 

in typical chewing-tables-and-having-relentless-anxiety fashion, Percy was told to evaluate his own performance by a paediatric counsultant on Thursday. after he told the consultant that he believed that his performance was satisfactory, the man said that he thought that Percy was better than that. when Percy mentioned that he was unhappy with his neonatal exam that he did with Dr Crup, the healer said, 

                                                      "Dr Crup* was very happy with you."

and when he said this, Percy thought that he was about to dissolve into happy tears. a counsultant paediatric healer had told Percy that he thinks that Percy's problem is that he overthinks things, and that he blanks out and gets nervous unnecessarily. and then he told Percy, 

         "people are nervous when they don't have the knowledge or the skill. you have both of those." 

it is the sentences and words that everyone had been telling him all his life, but Percy had never had a CONSULTANT take an hour of his day to sit with him, and tell him that he thought that Percy was doing more than satisfactory. in fact, if Percy had to genuinely rate himself, he would give himself an etremely subpar rating. it is with this thought that Percy decides that no matter what happens during the examinations, he realises that he should take the time to calm down. there will be NO third wizarding world if he had forgotten to ask the mother if she had a standard vaginal delivery if the rest of his history is still intact. 

Percy honestly felt like crying tears of joy when the doctor told him this. he felt like the heavy weight of his own expectations of himself disappear. Percy is fully aware that he will still leave his examination feeling like he could've done much better, but he is also aware that the healers know that Percy is under stress, and that he is truly his own worst critic. knowing that how he rates himself post-exam is nowhere near how the professors are going to rate him brings him a closure NOW that he is attempting to embrace. Percy knows that he will not be calm during his exam. he will be tachycardic, talk too quickly, have a resting tremor and suffer from signs of hyperthyroidism. and he will probably leave the exam with a mixture of doom and nausea. but at least he knows that it is perfectly normal. as is passing out, and ingesting his body weight in carbohydrates straight after. 

also, apparently, because Percy asked - the healers are not bothered when Percy repeats himself, or when he does not say anything for approximately ten seconds during said examination... who would have thought? 

*the healer that Percy was referring to has a surname that is a carnivorous animal of the dog family. 

into the Speed Force's ten kilograms deadlifts.

today, Percy made potatoes and did not burn down the kitchen. his deadlift technique is still somewhat atrocious, and his clean and presses are vexing... and a liability to those around him. last week, Percy spent most of his time in lectures about childhood bedwetting development, clinics, and wards. the worst is the boriiiing, coma-inducing lectures where healers shout at each other for an hour on controversial topics. also... apparently, the professor does not like it when you can barely read a chest x-ray and you are a 4th year medical student.